Why You Shouldn’t Take A Monkey For A Joyride

Yesterday, we learned why you shouldn’t give a chimp an AK-47.

Today, we learn — from Luzerne County, unsurprisingly — why it’s a bad idea to get drunk and take your dad’s monkey for a ride on a stolen ATV.
Police said that yesterday,  March 19, Jeff W. Arnott Jr., 23, stole an all-terrain vehicle and went on a intoxicated joyride yelling and screaming incoherently. At about 4 a.m., law caught up to him and saw that he had a passenger that was a primate, namely a java macaque that can grow to almost two-feet in height and weigh up to 20 pounds.

“He didn’t even have it on a leash or anything. It was sitting in the back, going for a ride,” said Gerald Kapral of the state Game Commission

When the ATV was finally stopped, Arnott and the monkey fled in different directions, police said. Arnott was quickly apprehended but the wily monkey managed to elude pursuers which led to a day of terror in Northeast Pa since police put out bulletins describing the critter as “dangerous”.

Just imagine if Mr. Arnott had given the monkey an AK-47. Just imagine if the monkey had had this weapon during the police pursuit.

After an hours-long monkey-hunt, the suspect was finally convinced to surrender by its owner James Arnott, Sr., who had had the animal for 15 years raising it from a baby.

It is  named Tyler Mikye. 

Family members said Tyler Mikye would swim in the family pool, play with the neighbor’s dog and drink alcohol.

Arnott Sr. cried for hours after authorities hauled it away as it is illegal to have a monkey as a pet in this state. 

Charges are expected.

The younger Arnott is  was jailed in Luzerne County Correctional Facility in lieu of $25,000 bail on charges of  receiving stolen property, resisting arrest, harassment and flight to avoid apprehension.

2 thoughts on “Why You Shouldn’t Take A Monkey For A Joyride”

  1. A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.
    The bartender screams at the guy, “Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table — whole!”
    “Sorry,” replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for everything.”
    The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.
    Two weeks later, he’s in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.
    The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks.
    “Yeah,” replies the guy. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first.”

  2. Hey Honey Badger, let me tell you about my monkey.

    A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. 
    The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. 
    “You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
    “Well, did you see this?”
    “Yes,” motioned the monkey.
    “What happened?”
    The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. 
    “They were drinking?” asked the officer.
    “Yes,” nodded the Monkey.
    “What else?” asked the officer.
    The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth, sucking inward quickly. 
    “They were smoking marijuana too?” said the officer.
    “Yes,” nodded the Monkey.
    “What else?” queried the officer.
    The monkey motioned with his fingers…
    “Making out! They were making out, too!?” asked the astounded officer.
    “Yes,” nodded the monkey.
    “Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, smoking and making out before they wrecked?”
    “Yes,” the Monkey nodded.
    “What were you doing during all this?” asked the Officer.
    “Driving,” motioned the monkey.

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