Category: AAA Off The Internet

Phil Bancroft says by the time a guy gets to greener pastures, he can’t climb the fence.

Courtesy of Cathy Craddock

Key & Peele: Substitute Teacher

Classic English Lesson Courtesy of Cathy Craddock

This is the best, most interesting English lesson I have had to date.

Did you know “listen” and “silent” use the same letters?

Do you know that the words “race car” spelled backwards still spells “race car”?

And that “eat” is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense “ate”?

And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in “illegal immigrants,” and add just a few more letters, it spells: “Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English-speaking jackasses and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-loving, raggedy-ass bastards with you.”

How weird is that?

 

Classic English Lesson

Courtesy of Mickey Rair

Note most of the links are broken.

We have been hammered with the propaganda that it was the Iraq war and the war on terror that is bankrupting us.

I hope the following 11reasons are forwarded over and over again until they are read so many times that the reader gets sick of reading them.
I also Have included the URL’s for verification of all the following facts.

1.
$11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal aliens each year by state governments.  Verify At:
http://www.fairus.org/site/PageServer?pagename=iic_immigrationissuecenters7fd8

2.
$22 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance programs such as food stamps,WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens.  Verify At:
http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.HTML

3.
$2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for illegal aliens.  Verify at:

http://www.cis.org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.HTML

4.
$12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and secondary school education for children here illegally and they cannot speak a word of English!  Verify At:
http://transcripts.CNN.com/TRANscriptS/0604/01/ldt…0.HTML

5.
$17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.
Verify At:
http://transcripts.CNN.com/TRANscriptS/0604/01/ldt.01.HTML

6.
$3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.  Verify At:
http://transcripts.cnn.com/ TRANscriptS/0604/01/ldt.01.HTML

7.
30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.  Verify At:
http://transcripts.CNN..com/TRANscriptS/0604/01/ldt..01.HTML

8.
$90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for Welfare & Social Services by the American taxpayers.  Verify At:
http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.HTML

9.
$200 Billion dollars a year in suppressed American wages are caused by the illegal Aliens.  Verify At:
http://transcripts.cnncom/TRANSCRI

10.
In 2006, illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in remittances to their Countries of origin.  Verify At:.
http://www/rense.com/general75/niht.htm

11.
The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One million sex crimes committed by illegal immigrants in the United States.  Verify At:
http: // www.drdsk.com/articleshtml

M
The total cost is a whopping…

338.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR
AND IF YOU’RE LIKE ME, HAVING TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING THIS AMOUNT OF MONEY;
IT IS $ 338,300,000,000.00 WHICH WOULD BE ENOUGH TO STIMULATE THE ECONOMY FOR THE CITIZENS OFTHIS COUNTRY.
Are we THAT Stupid?
YES, FOR ALLOWING THOSE in THE U.S.
CONGRESS to GET AWAY WITH DOING THIS
YEAR AFTER YEAR!!!!!

If this doesn’t bother you, then just delete the message.
If, on the other hand, it does raise the hair on the back of your neck, I hope you forward it to every legal resident in the United States!!!

Mocking God — Off The Internet — A man of 32 years, was smoking, while smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said:’God, that’s for you.’
He died at the age of 32 of LUNG CANCER in a horrible manner.
The man who built the Titanic
After the construction of Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe the Titanic would be.
With an ironic tone he said: ‘Not even God can sink it’
The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic
Marilyn Monroe (Actress)
She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show.
He said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her.
After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she said:
‘I don’t need your Jesus’.
A week later, she was found dead in her apartment
Bon Scott (Singer)
The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang:
‘Don’t stop me; I’m going down all the way, down the highway to hell’.
On the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by his own vomit.
Campinas (IN 2005)
In Campinas , Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a friend…..
The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter holding her hand, who was already seated in the car:
‘My Daughter, Go With God And May He Protect You.’
She responded: ‘Only If He (God) Travels In The Trunk, Cause Inside Here…..It’s Already Full ‘
Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died, the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the trunk was intact.
The police said there was no way the trunk could have remained intact. To their surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none was broken Christine Hewitt (Jamaican Journalist & entertainer) said the Bible (Word of God) was the worst book ever written.
In June 2006 she was found burnt beyond recognition in her motor vehicle.
Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other name that was given so much authority as the name of Jesus.
Many have died, but only Jesus died and rise again, and he is still alive….
‘Jesus’
I have done my part by sharing this with you, Jesus said ‘If you are embarrassed about me,
I will also be embarrassed about you before my father.’
You are my 8 in 8 seconds. I am not breaking this.. No way!
I’M TOLD THIS WORKS!!!!! Bishop T..D. Jakes ‘8 Second Prayer.’ Just repeat this prayer and see how God moves!!

‘Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless me, my family, my home, and my friends, in Jesus’ name. Amen.’
Pass this message round
by simply liking the secret show page. and type “Amen”
You will receive a miracle tomorrow. I Hope that you don’t ignore.

 

Mocking God — Off The Internet

Wasp Spray  Courtesy of Cathy Craddock

I know some of  you own GUNS but this is something to think about…

If  you don’t have a gun, and even if you do, here’s a more  humane way to wreck someone’s evil plans for you. Did you  know this? I didn’t. I never really thought of it before. I  guess I can get rid of the baseball bat.

Wasp Spray  —  A friend who is a  receptionist in a church in a high risk area was concerned  about someone coming into the office on Monday to rob them  when they were counting the collection. She asked the local  police department  about using  pepper spray and they recommended to her that she get a can  of wasp spray instead.

The  wasp spray, they told her, can shoot up to twenty feet away  and is a lot more accurate, while with the pepper spray,  they have to get too close to you and could overpower you.  The wasp spray temporarily blinds an attacker until they get  to the hospital for an antidote. She keeps a can on her desk  in the office and it doesn’t attract attention from people  like a can of pepper spray would. She also keeps one nearby  at home for home protection. Thought this was interesting  and might be of use.

On the heels of a break in and  beating that left an elderly woman in   Toledo   dead, self defense experts have a tip that could save your  life.

Val Glinka teaches self-defense to students at   Sylvania    Southview   High  School . For decades,  he’s suggested putting a can of wasp and hornet spray near  your door or bed.

Glinka says, “This is better than  anything I can teach them.”

Glinka considers it  inexpensive, easy to find, and more effective than mace or  pepper spray. The cans typically shoot 20 feet; so if  someone tries to break into your home, Glinka says “spray  the culprit in the eyes”. It’s a tip he’s given to students  for decades.

It’s also one he wants everyone to hear  If you’re looking for protection, Glinka says look to the  spray. “That’s going to give you a chance to call the  police; maybe get out.” Maybe even save a  life.

Please share this with all the people who are  precious to your life.

Did you also know that wasp spray will  kill a snake? And a mouse! It will! Good to know, huh? It  will also kill a  wasp!!!

And  best of all, immobilize a  human.

 

Wasp Spray — Off The Internet

Greatest Halftime Show Ever Courtesy of Cathy Craddock

The West Virginia University Marching Band from 2011.

Men Happier People Courtesy of Cathy Craddock

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack…
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the  time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own  jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is  $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

___________________________________
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.  There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

 

Men Happier People — Off The Internet