Woman Haunted By Chemical Abortion — Margot Cleveland’s story in today’s (April 26) The Federalist concerns a nightmarish account of a chemical abortion she had 23 years ago and her warning to today’s young women.
We are going to republish her testimony.
I was a second-year law student, living with my then-boyfriend (now husband). I was very liberal and a good feminist influenced by second-wave feminism. I found out I was pregnant just before Christmas. I wanted to keep the baby, but I was persuaded by family and my husband that it would interfere with my ability to finish law school and future career prospects. My husband was also terrified of letting his parents down and having a baby out of wedlock, which is something his parents always warned him about when he was young.
After Christmas, I called my GYN’s office, and without seeing me or speaking to me, the doctor asked the receptionist to give me the name and phone number of an abortionist. I made an appointment with him and was told it would cost $500. I had no idea what was going on or what I was doing. I was just making the calls and showed up.
My now-husband and I showed up for the appointment, mere days before New Year’s Eve. The abortionist was very direct and to the point. He gave me a transvaginal ultrasound, pointed at the screen, and said, “Here is the pregnancy.”
He then asked me if I wanted an abortion, and I said yes. He told me to roll over on the table, and he gave me an injection in my right hip. He told me this shot would make the heart stop beating. He then wrote me a prescription and told me to get it filled, take the pills, and insert them in my vagina in a few days, and that I would have cramping like a period and some light bleeding. He then said to make an appointment for another ultrasound to make sure it was clear.
I don’t know if I was in shock or not thinking things through. But it never occurred to me that I would be expelling an actual baby in my apartment. I was not prepared for what happened. Neither was my husband. I inserted the pills on Sunday, Jan. 2, 2000. My husband’s brother played college football and they were in a bowl game that day, so we sat on the couch and watched the game.
I started having intense cramping. At one point I went to the toilet, and a baby came out. It looked exactly like the pictures of seven- to 9-week-old babies you see in photos. It was rounded. There was a black eye. My husband fished it out of the toilet and held the dead baby in his hand. I remember looking at it and wondering what it was.
But I also knew what it was. I remember going completely numb. I did not ask to hold the baby. I just stared at it. My husband looked at me, and I think he was in shock too. He put the baby in the toilet and flushed it.
I have never forgiven myself.
I went to the doctor a couple of days later and the ultrasound was clear.
The next semester of school started for both of us. We decided to get married right away. I did not want to be in the situation again of not being married and getting pregnant. We were married by the fall. I think the wedding planning and law school kept me busy and kept me from thinking about what I had done.
We now have three children, but I still cry myself to sleep thinking of that baby. Nobody prepared me for what happened that day. Nobody even told me what would happen that day. I mourn that baby. I regret what I did with everything in me.
I kept being a liberal. I kept voting for Democrats and telling people I supported abortions. But something happened when I had my daughter in 2008. I started to realize the lies that were told to me. I started to realize I was an experiment for feminism. I realized I had been used by people with an agenda.
Hearing you talk about people being unprepared for having an abortion at home really hit me. It’s true. It’s the first time I heard someone acknowledge what happened and understand how horrifying and traumatic it was.
I was lucky and didn’t have to go to the emergency room. But I also wonder what would have happened if I had needed to. I was so unprepared for what was happening, I am not sure I would have realized I needed medical attention. Everything had been so casual and nonchalant. I did not grasp the seriousness of what I was doing. If I had started bleeding, I don’t think I would have thought I needed help. This sounds crazy to me now, but this is the cognitive dissonance I was experiencing.
I never went back to the GYN who referred me to the abortionist — my sister did and had two babies delivered by her. I couldn’t stand even hearing her name when my sister mentioned her. I can’t even remember it; it’s as if my brain won’t let me think of that phone call.
On the other hand, I will never forget the abortionist. His name, his office, his matter-of-fact way of telling me what he was doing, but also his complete avoidance of telling me what was happening. I read that he died. He was also a big abortion guy. I had no idea at the time. I also didn’t realize at the time that what he did was not even approved.
I now have three children, including a teenage daughter. I have not told her what happened. She and her brothers have no idea. I don’t even mark this pregnancy on doctors’ forms. I am not even sure if there is a record anywhere that I did what I did.
Woman Haunted By Chemical Abortion