Bryan Lunduke Tech Humor — This cartoon comes from Bryan Lunduke’s substack tech site. If you like tech and tech nostalgia check it out, and maybe buy a sub. I’m glad I did.
Here is our Mean Conservative Joke Of The Day:
Mean Conservative: Hey Chelsea, you think Joe should go to prison?
Chelsea C: Joe who?
Mean Conservative: Joe Mamma.
Tornado Tom Election Forecast — Here is Tornado Tom Padula of Unionville High School has a Election Forecast that should bring a smile to your face. Well done, Tom.
Unionville is in Chester County, Pa.
Tornado Tom Election Forecast
Daddy N Sky N Atticus — This adventure in thrifting features Daddy and Sky with a special guest appearance by Atticus. Atticus, by the way, means “Man of Attica” which is weird in itself as Atticus is a dog and not from Attica.
Daddy N Sky Show — YouTube sensation Mommy and Gracie Show features a mom and her daughter giving consumer reviews. A popular segment is “What The Thrift”.
What would happen if a dad did a similar thing with his daughter?
Let’s find out:
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet..
“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.
Lab Report Cat Scan Dead Duck
Courtesy of Bill Sr.
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout.
“This dog can speak English,” he claims to the unimpressed agent.
“Okay, Sport,” the guys says to the dog, “what’s on the top of a house?” “Roof!” the dog replies.
“Oh, come on…” the talent agent responds. “All dogs go ‘roof’.”
“No, wait,” the guy says. He asks the dog “what does sandpaper feel like?”
“Rough!” the dog answers.
The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience.
“No, hang on,” the guy says. “This one will amaze you. ”
He turns and asks the dog: “Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?”
“Ruth!” goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.
And the dog turns to the guy and says “Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?”
Things My Mother Taught Me
Courtesy of Cathy Craddock
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
” Because I said so, that’s why.”
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..”
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
“Stop acting like your father!”
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until your father gets home.”
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
“You are going to get it when you get home!”
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
And my favorite: 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !”
Riddle me this: Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank his coffee before it was cool!
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
This off the internet is courtesy of Cathy Craddock
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker .
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ‘For the love of God!’ ‘Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!’
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Honk If You Love Jesus