Category: AAA Off The Internet

This image courtesy of Cathy Craddock — whether it be of a real protestor or of a very good satirist — sums up why the Occupy Wall Street movement just didn’t work.

Socialism Off The Internet Courtesy of Cathy Craddock

“Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy.

Its inherent virtue is the  equal sharing of misery..”

— Winston Churchill

These are possibly the 5 best sentences you’ll ever read: Unfortunately, most voters don’t know this.

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them; and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work, because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Can you think of any reason for not sharing this?

Neither could I.

I’m A Firefighter Courtesy of Tom C

In Phoenix , Arizona , a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was Dying of terminal leukemia.

Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a Strong feeling of determination. Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up and fulfill all his dreams. Now that was no longer possible.

The leukemia would see to that. But she still wanted her son’s dream to come true.

She took her son’s hand and asked, ‘Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up ? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life ?’

Mommy, ‘I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up.’

Mom smiled back and said, ‘Let’s see if we can make your wish come true.’

Later that day she went to her local fire Department in Phoenix , Arizona , where she met  Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Phoenix .

She explained her son’s final wish and asked if it might be  possible to give her 6 year-old son a ride around the block on a fire engine.

Fireman Bob said, ‘Look, we can do better than that. If you’ll have your son ready at seven o’clock Wednesday morning, we’ll make  him an honorary Fireman for the whole day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us,   go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards !

And if you’ll give us his sizes, we’ll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat – not a toy  one –  with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots.’ ‘They’re all manufactured right here in Phoenix , so we can get them fast.’

Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck.

Billy got to sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station. He was in heaven.

There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls.

He rode in the different fire engines, the Paramedic’s’ van, and even the fire chief’s car.  He was also video taped for the local news program.

Having his dream come true, with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy, that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept – that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital.

Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a Fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition..

The chief replied, ‘We can do better than that.  We’ll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favor ?

When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system that there is not a fire? ‘It’s the department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?

About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy’s third floor open window ——–

16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Billy’s room!

With his mother’s permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they LOVED him.

With his dying breath, Billy looked up at the fire chief and said, ‘Chief, am I really a fireman now?’

‘Billy, you are, and The Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand,’ the chief said.

With those words, Billy smiled and said, ‘I know, He’s been holding my hand all day, and the angels have been  singing.’

He closed his eyes one last time.

I’m A Firefighter

Thanksgiving 2020 — Courtesy of Kate Rainey

“Winston, come into the dining room, it’s time to eat,” Julia yelled to her husband.

“In a minute, honey, it’s a tie score,” he answered.

Actually, Winston wasn’t very interested in the traditional holiday football game between Detroit and Washington.

Ever since the government passed the Civility in Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing tackle football for its “unseemly violence” and the “bad example it sets for the rest of the world”, Winston was far less of a football fan than he used to be.

Two-hand touch wasn’t nearly as exciting. Yet it wasn’t the game that Winston was uninterested in.

It was more the thought of eating another Tofu Turkey. Even though it was the best type of Veggie Meat available after the government revised the American Anti-Obesity Act of 2018, adding fowl to the list of federally-forbidden foods, (which already included potatoes, cranberry sauce, and mincemeat pie), it wasn’t anything like real turkey.

And ever since the government officially changed the name of “Thanksgiving Day” to “A National Day of Atonement” in 2020, to officially acknowledge the Pilgrims’ historically brutal treatment of Native Americans, the holiday had lost a lot of its luster.

Eating in the dining room was also a bit daunting. The unearthly gleam of government-mandated fluorescent light bulbs made the Tofu Turkey look even weirder than it actually was, and the room was always cold.

Ever since Congress passed the Power Conservation Act of 2016, mandating all thermostats – which were monitored and controlled by the electric company – be kept at 68 degrees, every room on the north side of the house was barely tolerable throughout the entire winter.

Still, it was good getting together with family. Or at least most of the family.

Winston missed his mother, who passed on in October, when she had used up her legal allotment of life-saving medical treatment.

He had had many heated conversations with the Regional Health Consortium, spawned when the private insurance market finally went bankrupt, and everyone was forced into the government health care program.

And though he demanded she be kept on her treatment, it was a futile effort.

“The RHC’s resources are limited”, explained the government bureaucrat Winston spoke with on the phone. “Your mother received all the benefits to which she was entitled. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Ed couldn’t make it either. He had forgotten to plug in his electric car last night, the only kind available after the Anti-Fossil Fuel Bill of 2021 outlawed the use of the combustion engines – for everyone but government officials.

The fifty mile round trip was about ten miles too far, and Ed didn’t want to spend a frosty night on the road somewhere between here and there.

Thankfully, Winston’s brother, John, and his wife were flying in.

Winston made sure that the dining room chairs had extra cushions for the occasion..

No one complained more than John about the pain of sitting down so soon after the government-mandated cavity searches at airports, which severely aggravated his hemorrhoids.

Ever since a terrorist successfully smuggled a cavity bomb onto a jetliner, the TSA told Americans the added “inconvenience” was an “absolute necessity” in order to stay “one step ahead of the terrorists.”

Winston’s own body had grown accustomed to such probing ever since the government expanded their scope to just about anywhere a crowd gathered, via Anti-Profiling Act of 2022.

That law made it a crime to single out any group or individual for “unequal scrutiny,” even when probable cause was involved.

Thus, cavity searches at malls, train stations, bus depots, etc., etc., had become almost routine.

Almost.

The Supreme Court is reviewing the statute, but most Americans expect a Court composed of six progressives and three conservatives to leave the law intact.

“A living Constitution is extremely flexible”, said the Court’s eldest member, Elena Kagan. “Europe has had laws like this one for years. We should learn from their example”, she added.

Winston’s thoughts turned to his own children. He got along fairly well with his 12-year-old daughter, Brittany, mostly because she ignored him. Winston had long ago surrendered to the idea that she could text anyone at any time, even during Atonement Dinner.

Their only real confrontation had occurred when he limited her to 50,000 texts a month, explaining that was all he could afford.

She whined for a week, but got over it.

His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether. Perhaps it was the constant bombarding he got in public school that global warming, the bird flu, terrorism, or any of a number of other calamities were “just around the corner”, but Jason had developed a kind of nihilistic attitude that ranged between simmering surliness and outright hostility.

It didn’t help that Jason had reported his father to the police for smoking a cigarette in the house, an act made criminal by the Smoking Control Statute of 2018, which outlawed smoking anywhere within 500 feet of another human being.

Winston paid the $5,000 fine, which might have been considered excessive before the American dollar became virtually worthless as a result of QE13.

The latest round of quantitative easing the federal government initiated was, once again, to “spur economic growth.”

This time, they promised to push unemployment below its years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was not particularly hopeful.

Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought, before remembering it was a Day of Atonement.

At least, he had his memories.

He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized his children would never know what life was like in the Good Old Days, long before government promises to make life “fair for everyone” and they realized their full potential..

Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never realized how much things could change when they didn’t happen all at once, but little by little, so people could get used to them.

He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while there was still time, maybe back around 2011, when all the real nonsense began.

“Maybe we wouldn’t be where we are today if we’d just said ‘enough is enough’ when we had the chance,” he thought..

Maybe so, Winston. Maybe so.

Thanksgiving 2020

Pamela Anderson to Play the Virgin Mary — Give me a break…just some more  not so subtle Christian bashing  from an increasing secular world.

Next we could  find JeffreyDahmer ,getting parole,so he can play Tim Tebow in the new movie: “Christians in The Huddle”

http://www.aoltv.com/2011/11/14/pamela-anderson-virgin-mary-russell-peters-canada/?icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl2%7Csec3_lnk1%7C112444

AARP Exposed –   Courtesy Cathy Craddock

AARP Exposed — Off The Internet:

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

A.A.A.D.D. Off The Internet  Courtesy of Cathy Craddock

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS…..PLEASE READ!

Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better, even though I have it! !

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. –
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
And notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back
On the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,
Since I’m going to be near the mailbox
When I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
And see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
So I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I’d been drinking

I’m going to look for my checks,
But first I need to push the Pepsi aside
So that I don’t accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
A vase of flowers on the counter
Catches my eye–they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
Discover my reading glasses that
I’ve been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,
But first I’m going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I’ll be looking for the remote,
But I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,
So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
But first I’ll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
But quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
Get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
Remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
The car isn’t washed
The bills aren’t paid
There is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
The flowers don’t have enough water,
There is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
And I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,
And I’m really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
And I’ll try to get some help for it,
But first I’ll check my e-mail…