Category: AAA Off The Internet

Reader Tom C sent this fascinating link on what the Obama press conference would sound like the day it becomes impossible to lend dollars.

Extra kudos to the fine performance by the Obama impersonator.

One Lightbulb At A Time Courtesy of Cathy Craddock

I was in Lowe’s in Delaware last week. Saw boxes of vinyl planking marked down from $30 to $7/box. Sales Rep said they are having a hard time selling products from China. People prefer Armstrong – made here in Lancaster.  Yeah!

Fwd: One light bulb at a time!

This probably sounds crazy, but just yesterday I was in WalMart looking for a wastebasket. I found some made in China for $6.99. I didn’t want to pay that much so I asked the lady if they had any others. She took me to another department and they had some at 2.50 made in USA . They are just as good. Same as a kitchen rug I needed. I had to look but I found some made in the USA and it was 3.00 cheaper. We are being brain washed that everything that comes from China and Mexico is cheaper. Not so. That is also why I don’t buy cards at Hallmark anymore. They are made in China and are expensive. I buy them at Dollar Tree…. 50 cents each and made in USA.

One Light Bulb at a Time!

A physics teacher in high school, once told the students that while one grasshopper on the railroad tracks wouldn’t slow a train very much, a billion of them would. With that thought in mind, read the following, obviously written by a good American . . . Good idea . . .. one light bulb at a time . . .. Check this out. I can verify this because I was in Lowe’s the other day for some reason and just for the heck of it I was looking at the hose attachments… They were all made in China . The next day I was in Ace Hardware and just for the heck of it I checked the hose attachments there. They were made in USA.

Start looking …. In our current economic situation, every little thing we buy or do affects someone else – even their job. So, after reading this email, I think this lady is on the right track.. Let’s get behind her! My grandson likes Hershey’s candy. I noticed, though, that it is marked made in Mexico now. I do not buy it any more. My favorite toothpaste Colgate is made in Mexico… now I have switched to Crest. You have to read the labels on everything.

This past weekend I was at Kroger . .. . I needed 60W light bulbs and Bounce dryer sheets. I was in the light bulb aisle, and right next to the GE brand I normally buy was an off-brand labeled, “Everyday Value “. I picked up both types of bulbs and compared the stats they were the same except for the price the GE bulbs were more money than the Everyday Value brand but the thing that surprised me the most was the fact that GE was made in MEXICO and the Everyday Value brand was made in – get ready for this – the USA in a company in Cleveland , Ohio.

So throw out the myth that you cannot find products you use every day that are made right here… So on to another aisle – Bounce Dryer Sheets… yep, you guessed it, Bounce cost more money and is made in Canada… The Everyday Value brand was less money and MADE IN THE USA! I did laundry yesterday and the dryer sheets performed just like the Bounce Free I have been using for years and at almost half the price!

My challenge to you is to start reading the labels when you shop for everyday things and see what you can find that is made in the USA – the job you save may be your own or your neighbors! If you accept the challenge, pass this on to others in your address book so we can all start buying American , one light bulb at a time! Stop buying from overseas companies!

We should have awakened a decade ago. Let’s get with the program and help our fellow Americans keep their jobs and create more jobs here in the USA .

 

 

One Lightbulb At A Time

Courtesy of Judy McGrane

The USGS has determined that the epicenter of the Virginian earthquake was in a graveyard just outside of DC. The cause appears to be all of our Founding Fathers rolling over in their graves

Courtesy of Donna M

Best Patients —  Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes  the best patient to operate on.

The first surgeon, from  New York ,  says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when  you open them up, everything inside is numbered..”

The  second, from Chicago ,  responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside  them is color coded.”

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says,  “No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them  is in alphabetical order”

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles  chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers… Those guys  always understand when you have a few parts left over.”

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington DC ,  shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians  are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no  balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are  interchangeable

Dear Boss Courtesy of Judy McGrane

Dear Boss,

I have enjoyed working  here these past several years. You have paid me very well, given me benefits beyond belief. I have 3-4 months off per year and a pension plan that will pay my salary till the day I die and a health plan that most people can only dream about.

I plan to take the next 12-18 months to find a new position.  During this time I will show up for work when it is convenient. In addition, I fully expect to draw my full salary and all the other perks associated with my current job.

Oh yeah, if my search for this new job proves fruitless, I will be back with no loss in pay or status. Before you say anything, remember that you have no choice in the matter.

I can and will do this.

Sincerely,
Every Senator or Congressman running for President.
…Try that at your job and let me know how it works for you.

Paraprosdokian Courtesy of Kate Rainey

“Paraprosdokian”. “Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.”

“Where there’s a will, I want to be in it,” is a type of paraprosdokian.

1. Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.  But it’s still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.  To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops.  A train station is where a train stops.  On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career.  Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’

13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman.  Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way.  So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive.  You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

21. I used to be indecisive.  Now I’m not so sure.

22. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt.  Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Paraprosdokian

Here are the headings to President Obama’s agenda in dealing with the budget crisis as revealed by reader TomC:

• Kick the can down the road
• Make it look like we are not kicking the can down the road
• Get Republicans to agree to kick the can down the road
• Confuse  the American people  if they refuse  to kick the can down the road
• Convince all that talk of a US credit rating downgrade is NEVER going to happen
• If things come crashing down blame the terrorists in the Tea Party and President Bush

Ant & Grasshopper For The 21st Century Courtesy of Fran Coppock.

OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE OLD STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green…’

ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, We shall overcome.

Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper’s sake.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize and ramshackle, the once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2012