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This Off The Internet bit of humor is courtesy of Cathy Martin

Old Woman and her Mule

She walked up and tied her old mule to the hitchin’ rail.

As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes,

a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old  woman and laughed, saying, “hey old woman, have you ever danced?”

The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, i never did dance… Never really wanted to.”

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger  grinned and said, “well, you old bag, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old  woman’s feet.

The old woman prospector – not wanting to get her toe blown off – started hopping around. Everybody was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too,  and he turned around very slowly.  The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in  the old woman’s hands, as she quietly said, “son, have you ever licked a mule’s butt?”

the gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “no ma’am…But… I’ve always wanted to.”

There are a few lessons for us all here:

1 – Never be Arrogant.
2 – Don’t waste ammunition.
3 – Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
4 – Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 – Don’t mess with old women; they didn’t get old by being stupid…

I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON’T YOU?

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For the Legend of Abd-el-Kader and a recipe for baba ghanoush, which goes great with Cryptowit Quote Puzzles, visit here.

This bit of humor is courtesy of Cathy Craddock

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”

Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: “Frank Feldman… he’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. And you should have heard him play the piano! He was an amazing guy.”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was somebody really special.”

Cabbie: “Oh hell there’s more”. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat it with. And he could fix anything—. Not like me -I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.”

Passenger: “Wow, some guy then.”

Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made  mistakes, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never argue back, even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! I never knew him to make a mistake! No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “Well… I never actually met Frank.   He died, and I married his wife.”

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