Polar Bear Fell On Me

By Hawthorne Tarry

A polar bear fell on me.

What sadder words are there in the English language? It’s a craven phrase but ultimately a useful one.

A polar bear fell on me.

The phrase is the final sentence in the script from  the docudrama Road House and is used by the only witness to a vile murder to escape from having to testify.

Road House is based on the cold-blooded killing of a disruptive person in a Missouri town done in broad daylight before many witnesses all of whom denied knowledge of it. Granted none of them used the phrase “a polar bear fell on me” as it would not have made much sense unlike in the dramatization in which a polar bear did literally fall on the witness, a man by the name of Tinker.

Still, as is too often unfortunately the case, it is Hollywood that writes the history and “a polar bear fell on me” is what we remember from the crime.

One wonders why it is not used more.

Would not Herman Cain still be in the running if when confronted with the allegations of Ginger White, rather than issue a blanket denial, simply said “a polar bear fell on me”?

Would not Bill Clinton have avoided impeachment if he said “a polar bear fell on me” rather than “I did not have sexual relations with that woman . . .”

Al Gore, when confronted with the discrepancies in the evidence for global warming could use the phrase with ironic aptness.

Thank you for allowing me to get this off my chest.

Ed Note: All who think Hawthorne should hug a polar bear raise your hands.

A Polar Bear Fell On Me
A Polar Bear Fell On Me Tinker